A Journey Towards Overcoming Addiction

Antaru was a 24 year-old girl who had just started a new job in a big city. She was staying in a hostel, far away from her family for the first time. The freedom excited her. No parents to watch over her, no strict rules to follow. She could explore life the way she wanted.

In the hostel, Antaru made many new friends. They were funny, lively and full of energy. Every weekend, they planned parties. One evening, her friends offered her a glass of alcohol.

"Come on, Antaru! Just one drink. You have to enjoy life!" they laughed.

At first, Antaru said no. She remembered her parents' advice to stay away from such things. But inside, she was curious. Everyone else was drinking and having so much fun. She didn’t want to feel left out. Finally, she agreed.

When she had her first drink, she felt strange but also happy. The world seemed lighter. Her worries disappeared for a while. Later that night, one of her friends also offered her a cigarette. Again, Antaru thought, "One time won't hurt." She took it. She coughed a little but laughed it off with everyone.

Days turned into weeks. What started as “just once” became “every weekend.” Then it became "after work" and "before sleep." Antaru felt good whenever she drank or smoked. It helped her forget the stress of work. It made her feel part of the group.

But slowly, things started changing.

Antaru began feeling tired all the time. She found it hard to concentrate on her work. Her mood started swinging — sometimes she was too happy, other times very sad or angry without any reason. She lost her appetite and started skipping meals. She also began to feel guilty after drinking or smoking. Deep inside, she knew something was wrong, but she didn’t know how to stop.

Antaru started to realize that alcohol and smoking were causing all these problems. She tried to quit a few times, but every time, the cravings became too strong, and she found herself falling back into old habits. It felt like she couldn't break free.

One morning, after a night of heavy drinking and smoking, Antaru woke up feeling sick and empty. Her head hurt, and her heart felt heavy with guilt. She knew she couldn’t continue like this. She decided to seek help.

She booked an appointment with a psychologist.

Therapy Session with Psychologist

In the small, quiet room, she met Dr. Meera, a kind-looking lady with warm eyes.

Antaru nervously shared her story — about the hostel life, the peer pressure, the curiosity, the good feelings after drinking and smoking, and how everything had slowly turned into a habit she couldn’t control.

"Antaru, alcohol and cigarettes can cause many side effects on your health. Let me tell you a few common problems:"

Health Effects of Alcohol Addiction

• Brain problems — Alcohol and smoking can slow down brain functions, making it harder to think clearly, remember things or make good decisions.

• Liver damage — The liver has to work very hard to remove alcohol from the body. Over the time, it stop from working properly.

• Heart problems — Drinking too much alcohol and smoking can raise blood pressure and making it beat irregularly.

• Weaker immune system — Alcohol and smoking make it harder for the body to fight off infections like colds, flu, or pneumonia because they damage the body's defense cells.

• Higher cancer risk — Regular alcohol drinking and smoking increase the chances of getting serious diseases like cancer in the mouth, throat, liver, and even breast.

• Mood swings and emotional problems — Alcohol affects the brain chemicals that control emotions, causing sudden sadness, anger, or anxiety.

"Yes, ma’am... I find it hard to focus at work now. My mood keeps changing for no reason. I get angry quickly, then feel sad. Also, I often feel tired and don’t feel like eating properly. And... I keep catching colds lately."

"I really want to change, ma’am," she said with determination.

"I don’t want to harm my body anymore. I don’t want my life to be controlled by alcohol and cigarettes. Please tell me what steps I should follow. I am ready to take strong action to get better", she said gently.

"Good, Antaru. That’s the spirit we need. Let me share some important steps that will help you recover", said Dr. Meera.

"Understanding this is the first step to change. It’s not too late. But you need to act now."

5 Steps to Overcome Addiction

• Accept the problem honestly — Don’t hide it or lie to yourself.

• Avoid triggers — Stay away from people, places, and situations that tempt you.

• Find healthy replacements — Like exercising, drawing, writing, or joining a hobby class.

• Talk to someone you trust — Sharing feelings helps reduce guilt and stress.

• Take one day at a time — Focus on staying clean just today. Tomorrow will take care of itself.

Life is more beautiful when you are truly healthy and free.

Dr. Meera gently explained.

Antaru nodded slowly, feeling a lump in her throat. Hearing these words, Antaru felt a strong desire rising inside her.

Dr. Meera’s smile grew wider. She could see hope shining in Antaru’s eyes.

She gave Antaru five steps to follow.

Dr. Meera also asked Antaru to come back after one week to talk about her progress.

As Antaru left the clinic, she felt lighter. For the first time in months, she felt a small ray of hope.

Conclusion

Addiction may start from fun, curiosity, or the desire to escape problems, but slowly it takes control over our mind and body. It affects our brain, heart, liver, immune system, emotions, and overall happiness.

If you ever start using substances like alcohol or cigarettes thinking "just once won't hurt," be careful. Addiction doesn’t happen in one day, but once it catches you, getting free becomes harder.

The best way to stay safe is to be aware, set strong boundaries and seek help early.

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Work Life Balance For Workaholic

Antaru had been working for the same company for more than twenty years. He had started as a junior employee and worked his way up to a high-level management position. His dedication and hard work had earned him respect, promotions, and a good salary. But along the way, he had lost something important—his family time.

His wife, Meera, was tired. For years, she had been managing everything at home alone. They had three children, and she took care of their needs, school, and daily life without much help from Antaru. He was always busy—weekdays, weekends, even during holidays. His phone never stopped ringing, and there was always an important meeting to attend. To Meera, it felt like Antaru only used their home as a place to eat and sleep. She missed him. The children missed him too.

One day, Meera decided to do something. She convinced Antaru to visit a psychologist with her. At first, Antaru was reluctant. He believed he was doing everything for his family’s good future. But Meera insisted, and he finally agreed.

The Visit to the Psychologist

Dr. Sinha, the psychologist, welcomed them warmly. Meera started speaking first.

“Doctor, my husband is a workaholic. He is never at home. Even when he is, he is busy with his phone or laptop. Our children are growing up without their father. I feel like I am alone in this marriage. He only comes home to sleep.” Her voice broke, and she wiped her tears.

Antaru looked down, feeling guilty. He had never seen it from her perspective. He had always believed he was doing his duty by providing for them.

Dr. Sinha nodded and turned to Antaru. “What do you think about what your wife just said?”

“I love my family,” Antaru said. “I work hard for them. I want to give them a good life.”

“But at what cost?” the doctor asked gently. “Your wife feels lonely. Your children are growing up without your presence. And your health is also suffering.”

Antaru sighed. It was true. Lately, he had been feeling tired all the time. He had frequent headaches and trouble sleeping. He had ignored it, thinking it was just stress. But deep inside, he knew he was pushing himself too much.

Still, he argued, “Doctor, if I don’t work hard, how will my family have a secure future? I have responsibilities. I can’t just slow down now.”

Dr. Sinha smiled patiently. “I understand, Antaru. Work is important. But tell me, what is the point of securing a future if you are not present to enjoy it with your family? Your wife is not asking you to stop working. She just wants you to be present with them too. Balance is the key.”

Antaru was silent. He had never thought about it that way.

Dr. Sinha continued, “Let me give you four important steps to help you find a balance.”

Steps Towards Work-Life Balance

1. Set Work Boundaries – “You must set clear limits for work. Stop answering calls and emails after office hours unless it’s an emergency.”

Antaru frowned. “But what if something urgent comes up?”

Dr. Sinha nodded. “Emergencies are different, but most calls can wait. If you constantly make yourself available, people will expect you to be. If you set boundaries, others will respect your time.”

Antaru still looked unsure. Dr. Sinha continued, “Here’s how you can do it:

• Set a fixed time to stop working every day and stick to it.

• Turn off work notifications after office hours.

• Inform your colleagues and clients about your availability.

• Have a separate workspace at home to mentally switch between work and personal life.

• Practice saying ‘no’ to extra work that is not urgent.”

Antaru nodded slowly. “I see your point. I suppose I can try these steps.”

2. Family Time is Important – “Dedicate time to your family. Even small moments matter. Have dinner together. Talk to your children. Go for a walk with your wife.”

Antaru hesitated. “I don’t think my family will accept it immediately. They are used to me being busy.”

Meera spoke softly. “We don’t need big changes all at once. Just spending some time with us, being mentally present, will make a difference.”

Dr. Sinha added, “It’s not about grand gestures. Even ten undistracted minutes can strengthen your bond with your family.”

3. Plan Weekends Wisely – “Weekends are for rest and family. Avoid scheduling meetings. Spend quality time with your loved ones.”

Antaru sighed. “I have clients in different time zones. Sometimes, weekends are the only time they are available.”

Dr. Sinha nodded. “I understand. But can you limit it? Maybe keep one weekend day work-free?”

Antaru thought for a moment. “I suppose I could try that.”

4. Take Care of Your Health – “Exercise regularly, eat healthy food, and get enough sleep. A sick person cannot take care of anyone, not even their job.”

Antaru looked down. “I don’t have time to exercise. And sometimes, I skip meals because I’m so busy.”

Dr. Sinha smiled. “That’s exactly why you are feeling unwell. Small changes can help. A 15-minute walk, eating meals on time don’t take much time but can make a big difference.”

Antaru listened carefully. He realized that he had been ignoring his family’s needs and his own well-being. He looked at Meera, who had a hopeful look in her eyes. He didn’t want to lose the people he loved the most.

Dr. Sinha added, “Small changes can make a big difference. Try these steps, and you will see how work and family can exist together in harmony.”

Antaru nodded slowly. It was time to make a change.

Success is not just about work achievements. True success is having a balance between work, family, and health. Prioritize what truly matters in life.

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Core Values In Couple Relationships

Sometimes, relationships face disturbances due to misunderstandings or unmet expectations. These issues often arise when people hold different values, like one prioritizing independence while the other values closeness. By identifying and respecting each other's core beliefs, couples can find common ground and reduce conflict. Open communication about values allows both partners to understand what truly matters to each other. This helps strengthen the bond and avoids future disturbances caused by value differences. Let’s explore this with an example.

Scene 1: Antaru’s Doubts

Antaru and her best friend, Meera, sit in a cozy café.

Antaru: (sighing) “I don’t know, Meera. Everything seems fine with Rahul. He’s sweet, caring, and hardworking. But… something feels off.”

Meera: “Off? Like what?”

Antaru: “I can’t explain it. We argue about small things—like how we spend weekends or even bigger decisions like saving money. It’s not just disagreements. I feel like we’re… on different pages.”

Meera: “That doesn’t sound small. Maybe you should talk to someone who can help, like a counselor?”

Scene 2: At the Counselor’s Office

Antaru sits nervously in the counselor’s room.

Counselor: “Hi Antaru, I’m glad you’re here. Tell me, what’s been troubling you?”

Antaru: “It’s about my boyfriend, Rahul. He’s a great guy, but lately, I feel like we’re always clashing. It’s making me doubt our relationship, and I can’t figure out why.”

Counselor: “Alright, let’s explore this together. Can you give me an example of your recent arguments?”

Antaru: “Sure. Rahul wants to save aggressively for the future, but I think we should enjoy the present too. Last week, he got upset when I suggested a vacation. Another time, I felt he wasn’t supportive of my decision to volunteer on weekends.”

Counselor: (nodding) It seems like there might be underlying differences in how you both approach life and priorities. Let’s talk about values. Do you know what values are?”

Antaru: (hesitating) “Sort of? I think values are like principles we live by?”

Counselor: “Exactly. Values are the core beliefs that guide our choices and behavior. For example, someone might value freedom, while another values stability. They’re neither right nor wrong, just different.”

Scene 3: Discovering Differences in Values

Counselor: “Let’s dig deeper. What do you value most in life, Antaru?”

Antaru: (thinking) “I value experiences—traveling, meeting new people, trying new things. I also value relationships and giving back to the community.”

Counselor: “Great. Now, what do you think Rahul values?”

Antaru: “Hmm… Rahul values security and planning for the future. He’s very disciplined about work and money.”

Counselor: (smiling) “See the difference? You value spontaneity and connection, while Rahul values stability and structure. These are your guiding principles, and they’re clashing.”

Antaru: (surprised) “I didn’t realize that. Are values really this important?”

Counselor: “Yes, they are. Values shape how we see the world, make decisions, and connect with others. When two people’s values align, they feel more connected. When they differ significantly, it can create tension—just like you’re experiencing now.”

Scene 4: Negotiable and Non-Negotiable Values

Counselor: “Now, let’s talk about negotiable and non-negotiable values. Negotiable values are flexible—things you can compromise on, like hobbies or daily routines. Non-negotiable values are core beliefs you can’t give up without feeling like you’ve lost yourself. Can you identify any of your non-negotiable values?”

Antaru: “I think… living a life full of experiences and giving back are non-negotiable for me. I’d feel trapped without them.”

Counselor: “And for Rahul?”

Antaru: “Probably financial security and planning. He gets really stressed when things feel uncertain.”

Counselor: “That’s important to recognize. Some couples find ways to balance their values, but others realize their differences are too significant to bridge.”

Scene 5: Making a Decision

Antaru: “I see now why we’ve been clashing. But what should I do? I don’t want to lose who I am, and I don’t want Rahul to feel pressured to change either.”

Counselor: “The key is open communication, Antaru. You can have a candid discussion with Rahul about where you can both be flexible. For example, you might agree to a balance—saving as he values, while also making room for your love of travel. It’s about finding common ground without compromising your core values.”

Antaru: (after a pause) “I think Rahul and I are really different, but I don’t want to give up on us. He’s not a bad person; he’s caring and kind. I want to work through this.”

Counselor: “That’s a positive approach. Relationships grow stronger when both people are willing to listen, adapt, and respect each other’s needs.”

Scene 6: Reflecting on a New Approach

Later, Antaru shares her thoughts with Meera.

Meera: “So, what did the counselor say?”

Antaru: “She helped me realize our differences come down to values. I’ve decided to talk to Rahul and share how I feel. I want to understand his perspective better too.”

Meera: “That sounds like a good plan. What will you say?”

Antaru: “I’ll explain my non-negotiables, like living a life full of experiences, and ask about his. Then we can find a middle ground—like planning trips while still saving for the future. We need to respect each other’s values to make this work.”

Meera: “That’s a mature approach. Balancing values isn’t easy, but if both of you are willing to try, it’s worth it.”

Antaru: (smiling) “Exactly. I care about him, and I want to give us a real chance. If we can align our values or compromise where needed, I think we’ll be stronger for it.”

Values shape our relationships and guide our decisions. They reflect what matters most to us and influence how we connect with others. Some values, like daily habits, can be adjusted, while core values, like personal beliefs, are non-negotiable. Balancing different values in a relationship requires open communication, respect, and compromise. When both people work together to honor each other’s priorities, relationships can grow stronger and more fulfilling.

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Insomnia: Sleeplessness in worried parents!

Antaru, a teacher by profession, had been struggling with sleepless nights for months. Even though he was tired, he couldn’t fall asleep because his mind was always full of worries. The lack of sleep was making him feel drained, affecting his work and his family life. Antaru had always been emotional, but this time, his insomnia felt overwhelming. Wanting to find a solution, he decided to go to therapy for help.

The Therapist’s Questions Uncovering the Root Cause

Therapist: "What brings you here today, Antaru?"

Antaru: "I haven't been able to sleep for months. I lie awake, my mind spinning with worries, and even when I do fall asleep, I wake up feeling anxious."

Therapist: "It sounds exhausting. What do you find yourself thinking about when you're trying to sleep?"

Antaru paused. He hadn't really thought about it before—his worries were so scattered. He took a deep breath.

Antaru: "It’s everything, really. Work, home, life... but mostly, it’s my son, Ravi. He’s 20 now, studying at university, but lately, he’s been hanging out with the wrong crowd. I’m scared he’ll lose focus on his future."

The therapist nodded, encouraging him to go on.

Therapist: "I see. Can you tell me more about why that worries you?"

Antaru: "I’m afraid that he’ll make decisions he can’t undo. His mother is worried too. She thinks he’s wasting his potential. But for me, it’s not just about his future success; it’s about his safety and well-being. I feel like I’m failing him as a father. I can’t control his choices, and it keeps me awake at night."

Understanding the Thought Patterns

Through their conversation, it became clear that Antaru’s insomnia wasn’t just about a lack of sleep—it was deeply connected to his thoughts and emotions about Ravi. His fears for his son's future, coupled with a sense of powerlessness, were feeding a cycle of worry that wouldn’t let his mind rest. The therapist gently explained that Antaru’s emotional nature made it harder to let go of these concerns.

Therapist: "It sounds like you’re carrying a lot of responsibility for your son’s choices. How do you think your thoughts about him are affecting your sleep?"

Antaru: "I guess… I keep thinking that if I could just find a way to fix everything, I would finally be able to relax. But I can’t."

Therapist: "Exactly. You’re putting so much pressure on yourself to control something that’s out of your hands. It’s no wonder your mind won’t let go at night."

This realization hit Antaru hard. He had been so focused on worrying that he hadn’t noticed how much it was affecting his sleep and overall well-being.

Five Techniques to Manage Worry and Improve Sleep

The therapist then offered some practical techniques for Antaru to work on, helping him shift his thought patterns and manage his insomnia.

1. Re-frame Your Thoughts

The therapist suggested that Antaru re-frame his negative thoughts about Ravi. Instead of thinking, "He’s making all the wrong choices and will never succeed," Antaru could try, "He’s figuring things out, and setbacks are part of learning." This shift in thinking would help ease his anxiety, allowing him to approach the situation with more patience and a clearer mind.

2. Focus on What You Can Control

Antaru needed to recognize that he couldn’t control Ravi’s every decision. However, he could control how he responded to the situation. The therapist encouraged him to focus on supporting his son emotionally and being there for him rather than trying to control his behavior. This shift in focus can ease the feeling of helplessness.

3. Set Boundaries for Worrying Time

A powerful tool the therapist introduced was the "worry window." Instead of letting his worries consume him day and night, Antaru was encouraged to set aside 15–20 minutes during the day to focus solely on his concerns. Outside of this time, if worries arose, he would remind himself that it wasn’t his "worry time" and try to redirect his thoughts. This could help him contain his anxiety and free up mental space for more positive thoughts, especially before bed.

4. Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques

Mindfulness was another key tool. The therapist suggested that Antaru practice mindful breathing exercises or progressive muscle relaxation before bedtime. These techniques could help his body and mind slow down, creating a sense of calm that would make it easier to fall asleep.

5. Visualize Positive Outcomes

Lastly, instead of dwelling on worst-case scenarios, Antaru was encouraged to visualize positive outcomes for Ravi. He could picture his son learning from his mistakes, finding better friends, and succeeding in his studies. This would help break the cycle of negative thinking and create a more hopeful mindset, reducing his overall stress.

Shifting Parental Thinking Patterns

As parents, we often worry about our children's future and feel the need to control their choices, especially when they make decisions we don’t agree with. But it’s important to remember that our job isn’t to fix everything for them. Instead, we should guide and support them while letting them learn from their own experiences, even mistakes. By focusing on being there for them, rather than trying to control what they do, we can reduce our stress and help them grow into independent adults.

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Gaslighting: Is someone messing up with your mind?

Gaslighting is when someone manipulates you into questioning your own reality, memory, or feelings. It’s a form of emotional abuse where the person tries to make you feel confused and unsure of yourself. They might deny things you clearly remember, lie about what happened, or say you’re overreacting when you express emotions. Over time, this causes you to doubt your thoughts, decisions, and perceptions. For example, if you say, “You hurt my feelings,” they might respond, “You’re too sensitive,” or “That never happened.This makes you second-guess whether your feelings or memories are valid. 

Gaslighting can happen in romantic relationships, families, friendships, or even at work. The goal of gaslighting is often to control the other person by making them feel insecure or dependent. It’s harmful because it chips away at your self-confidence and can lead to anxiety, self-doubt, and emotional distress.

Self-Gaslighting

Self-gaslighting occurs when you unknowingly adopt the harmful behavior of invalidating your own feelings and experiences. This can manifest as doubting your own memories, blaming yourself for being too emotional, or constantly telling yourself that your feelings aren’t valid. Over time, it becomes an internal cycle where you discredit your own thoughts and emotions, leading to low self-esteem and self-doubt. You might downplay your pain, minimize your needs, or convince yourself that you’re overreacting, mirroring the harmful patterns gas-lighters impose.

Gaslighting by a Partner

Gaslighting can happen in any romantic relationship, whether between a husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, or any other couple. Here are some examples:

Denying Events: Imagine a girlfriend saying, "You said we’d go to dinner tonight," and her boyfriend responds, "I never said that. You’re imagining things." Over time, she might begin doubting her own memory, feeling confused about what actually happened. Similarly, a wife might confront her husband about a promise, only for him to say, "I never said that," causing her to question her recollection.

Blaming the Victim: A girlfriend might criticize her boyfriend’s efforts, and when he feels hurt, she says, "You’re being dramatic. It’s not a big deal." This makes him question his feelings, wondering if he’s overreacting. Similarly, a wife might mock her husband for forgetting something important, and when he expresses frustration, says, "You’re overreacting. I was joking." In both cases, the partners dismiss each other’s emotions, causing confusion and self-doubt.

Changing Stories: A partner might agree to something one day, then deny it later. For instance, a girlfriend might remind her boyfriend of an agreement, and he responds, "I never said that. You’re making things up." This tactic leaves the victim questioning their reality.

Gaslighting in Childhood

When children experience gaslighting, it can have a deep impact on their emotional development. A parent or caregiver who constantly dismisses or denies a child's feelings teaches the child to distrust their emotions. This can lead to low self-worth, anxiety, and an inability to express themselves freely. As these children grow up, they might struggle with relationships or may even repeat gaslighting behaviors themselves without realizing it. These gaslighting tactics can severely damage a person’s mental and emotional well-being, leaving them feeling confused, insecure, and emotionally drained.

The Bad Effects of Gaslighting

The effects of gaslighting, whether external or self-inflicted, can be long-lasting and harmful. People who face gaslighting may:

1. Lose Confidence: Constantly being told they’re wrong or doubting themselves can lead victims to develop low self-esteem and doubt their abilities and decisions.

2. Feel Isolated: Gas-lighters often instill a sense of distrust in others, leaving victims feeling alone and trapped. Self-gaslighting can also lead to isolation, as you invalidate your own experiences.

3. Mental Health Struggles: The ongoing doubt and confusion from gaslighting can result in anxiety, depression, and trauma, making it hard for victims to feel safe.

4. Difficulty Trusting: Those who have been gaslighted often struggle to trust others and may doubt their own perceptions and instincts.

5. Self-Blame: Self-gaslighting often leads to blaming yourself for things that are not your fault, further weakening your emotional resilience.

How to Stay Away from Gaslighting

To avoid falling victim to external or self-gaslighting, it’s important to stay mindful of your emotions and experiences. Here are some tips:

1. Trust Your Instincts: If something feels off, don’t let anyone—or yourself—convince you that your feelings are wrong.

2. Keep Evidence: Keeping notes or messages can provide evidence when someone tries to deny or twist events in a gaslighting situation.

3. Seek Support: Talking to trusted friends or family can help validate your feelings and offer a reality check when you’re feeling uncertain.

4. Set Boundaries: Be clear about unacceptable behavior and set boundaries to protect yourself from repeated manipulation by toxic individuals.

5. Challenge Negative Self-Talk: If you notice yourself engaging in self-gaslighting, practice positive affirmations and remind yourself that your feelings are valid.

How to Overcome the Effects of Gaslighting

If you’ve experienced gaslighting, healing can take time, but it’s possible. Here are some steps to take:

1. Acknowledge the Abuse: Recognizing that you were gaslighted, either by someone else or by yourself, is essential for starting to trust your own reality again.

2. Rebuild Confidence: Celebrate small decisions and trust your instincts to gradually rebuild your confidence. Be mindful of self-critical thoughts and challenge them.

3. Therapy: Therapy can provide a safe space to work through emotional damage and regain your confidence.

4. Positive Support: Surrounding yourself with positive, supportive people can help restore your sense of self-worth, especially when dealing with self-gaslighting tendencies.

Signs of Gaslighting

Gaslighting can be subtle and difficult to recognize, but there are several key signs to look for. If you notice any of these behaviors in a relationship—or within yourself—it could be a sign of gaslighting:

1. Are they lying blatantly, even when confronted with evidence? Do they deny facts or statements, even when you know they’re lying and have proof to back it up?

2. Do they blame you for their own behavior? When they do something wrong, do they shift the blame to you by saying, "If you weren’t so difficult, I wouldn’t have done that"?

3. Are they making you doubt your sanity? Do you find yourself thinking, "Maybe I’m imagining things," or questioning whether you’re losing touch with reality because of their constant denial?

4. Do they minimize your feelings? Do they frequently say things like, "You’re too sensitive," or "You’re overreacting," when you express your emotions?

5. Are they undermining your confidence? Do they make subtle comments that damage your self-esteem, like saying, "No one else would want you," or implying that you’re not smart enough?

6. Is their behavior inconsistent? Do they switch between being kind and cruel, making it difficult for you to predict how they will act, leaving you confused?

7. Are they trying to isolate you from others? Do they discourage you from seeing friends or family, or claim that your loved ones are bad for you or don’t care about you?

8. Are they projecting their own behavior onto you? Do they accuse you of doing things that they are actually doing, such as lying, cheating, or being manipulative?

9. Do they deflect or change the subject when you confront them? When you try to address their hurtful behavior, do they avoid responsibility by changing the topic or accusing you of being negative?

10. Are they twisting the truth to make you look unreasonable? Do they take something you said or did and twist it to make you feel like you’re overreacting or being irrational?

11. Are they denying what you remember clearly? Do they often say things like, "That never happened," or "You’re remembering it wrong," even when you’re sure of your memory?

12. Are they making you apologize for having normal reactions? Do they often manipulate situations to make you feel guilty for being upset, forcing you to apologize even when your feelings are valid?

13. Are you doubting yourself frequently? Do you invalidate your own thoughts or question your feelings, telling yourself you’re overreacting or being too emotional? This could be self-gaslighting.

Seeking Help

If you are experiencing gaslighting behavior, either from someone else or yourself, prioritizing your mental and emotional well-being is essential. Gaslighting can lead to confusion, self-doubt, and feelings of isolation, undermining your sense of reality. Recognizing this manipulation is the first step toward reclaiming your life. Seek support from trusted friends, family, or mental health professionals who can validate your feelings and help you heal. Remember, seeking help is a courageous step, not a sign of weakness. You deserve to live free from emotional manipulation and fear. Take action today to break free from gaslighting and embrace a healthier, happier future.

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Rumination: The Repeated Thoughts

Antaru was a loving housewife living in a large joint family. Despite the busy schedule of her life, Antaru found herself feeling increasingly restless and overwhelmed. Recently, she had been noticing a change in herself. While performing her daily chores or even while spending time with family, her mind seemed to drift into endless loops of thinking. She couldn’t stop replaying certain situations in her head—conversations she had earlier in the day, or even things that happened months ago. These thoughts were mostly negative, and she would over analyze small interactions, wondering if she had said the wrong thing or if people were upset with her. Even though she was always surrounded by loved ones, she felt trapped in her own mind, unable to find peace.

This constant overthinking began to affect her everyday life. She found it difficult to concentrate on her tasks. Simple household chores that she had always managed easily now felt overwhelming. She’d lose track of what she was doing, start a task, and then leave it halfway because her mind was preoccupied with troubling thoughts. These thoughts would follow her wherever she went, making it hard to enjoy family time or even relax.

Worse still, she started experiencing physical symptoms of anxiety. Her heart would race for no apparent reason, and she often felt a sense of dread that she couldn’t explain. It was as if her worries were snowballing, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t stop them. This led to sleepless nights, where she would lie awake, replaying the events of the day over and over in her mind.

Concerned about his wife’s well-being, Antaru’s husband suggested she see a psychologist. Reluctant at first, Antaru agreed, hoping that someone could help her make sense of the constant mental chatter that seemed to take over her life.

At the place of psychologist , Antaru nervously explained what she had been going through. She described how she couldn’t stop thinking about small, insignificant events, how those thoughts spiraled into anxiety, and how she felt like she was losing control.

The psychologist listened carefully and then gently said, "Antaru, it sounds like you’re experiencing something called rumination. Rumination happens when your mind gets stuck on negative or stressful thoughts, and you can’t seem to let them go. It’s like replaying the same scene over and over in your head without finding any resolution."

Antaru felt a wave of relief hearing a name for what she was experiencing, but it also made her nervous. "Is this serious?" she asked. "I just want to stop feeling this way."

The psychologist smiled reassuringly. "It can feel very overwhelming, but the good news is that we can work through it. First, let’s talk about why rumination happens and how it affects your mental and physical health."

The psychologist explained that rumination often happens when unresolved emotions or stress trigger repetitive, negative thinking. It’s a way the brain tries to make sense of situations but gets stuck in a cycle. Factors like perfectionism, past trauma, or ongoing stress can increase the likelihood of rumination, as the mind keeps revisiting problems without finding solutions. It can be harmful when it becomes excessive. It can increase stress and lead to more serious mental health issues like anxiety or depression. 

Antaru nodded, recognizing these symptoms in herself. "Yes, that’s exactly how I’ve been feeling. But how can I stop my mind from going in circles like this?"

The psychologist explained that one of the best ways to break the cycle of rumination is through distraction and thought replacement. "It’s important to give your mind something positive to focus on. This takes practice, but with time, you can train your brain to shift its focus away from those repetitive, negative thoughts."

The psychologist suggested five ways to distract herself when she found her mind beginning to spiral:

1. Physical Activity:

"Exercise is one of the best ways to distract your mind. Even something as simple as going for a brisk walk or doing yoga can help. When your body is active, it releases endorphins, which are natural mood boosters. Plus, focusing on your movements helps shift your attention away from overthinking."

2. Hobbies and Creative Outlets:

"Engaging in hobbies you enjoy, such as cooking, gardening, or painting, can be very effective. Creative activities not only keep your mind occupied but also provide a sense of accomplishment, which is a great way to counter negative thinking."

3. Social Interaction:

"Spending time with family or friends can help. Conversations or shared activities can pull you out of your own head. Even if you don’t talk about what’s bothering you, being around others can break the cycle of rumination."

4. Mindfulness Meditation:

"Mindfulness involves focusing on the present moment without judgment. Meditation or even just sitting quietly and paying attention to your breathing can calm your mind. It helps reduce the mental clutter and allows you to focus on what’s happening right now, rather than getting lost in worries about the past or future."

5. Listening to Music or Reading:

"Sometimes, simply listening to music or reading a good book can provide a quick escape from negative thoughts. Music can lift your mood, and reading can immerse you in a different world, giving your mind a break."

In addition to these distractions, the psychologist also emphasized the importance of replacing negative thoughts with more constructive ones. "When you catch yourself ruminating, try asking yourself if these thoughts are helpful. Often, they’re not. Replace them with positive or neutral thoughts, such as focusing on what you can control rather than what you can’t."

Antaru left the session feeling more hopeful. She realized that while rumination was a difficult habit to break, there were practical tools she could use to regain control of her thoughts. With the support of her family and the guidance of her psychologist, she was ready to start working toward a more peaceful mind.

In dealing with rumination, it's essential to understand that distractions can provide temporary relief, but they aren't a complete solution. Rumination often stems from unresolved emotions or stress, leading to repetitive, negative thinking. It's important to recognize the deeper causes—whether it's worry, guilt, or self-doubt—that trigger this mental loop. By identifying these thoughts and exploring their origins, we can begin to break the cycle. Replacing negative patterns with healthier perspectives allows for long-term healing, addressing not just the symptoms but the root causes, ultimately leading to better emotional and mental well-being.

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